Chili cook-off

I came across these pepper-fired descriptions of chili dishes by a judge at a chili cook-off in Texas.

"You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili that slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good! At autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing: It's too painful, and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach."

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